Fixed Mindset is a belief that arises from negative thoughts about yourself that I am not capable, I am not good enough, I can’t do it, which is deeply embedded in your subconscious, making it easy to lose confidence or not dare to do new things.
“I have a math test tomorrow. No matter how much I read, I still can’t understand it.”
“We’ve studied for so many classes already. Why doesn’t the teacher teach in a way that’s easy to understand?”
“In the past exams, my scores have always been at the bottom.”
“I hope the teacher will give some easy questions tomorrow.”
“For this subject, we just ask that you don’t have to retake the exam.”
Ek, a high school senior, muttered to himself on the night before the final exam for this subject. His situation was still bleak, as his previous scores were very low, so he was at high risk of failing this subject.
Ek is a child who has always had problems with math and subjects that require calculation. He can be called an outstanding student in this field, which means he gets a grade 1. In some parts, he fails exams and has to retake them.
Why didn’t Ek ask for help or advice from the teacher?
“I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed in front of my friends. I’m afraid that my friends will think I’m stupid about this simple question.”
“I’d rather take a chance on the exam than lose face or be teased for being useless or stupid.”
Ek thinks that asking the teacher in the classroom about something he doesn’t understand is embarrassing and makes him look stupid, not only in the eyes of the teacher but also in the eyes of his friends in the classroom.
This story reminds me of myself when I was a child. I used to be like Ek. When I didn’t understand the lesson, I didn’t dare to ask the teacher or my friends because I had asked in the past. It turned out that my friends and, worse, my teachers were the same. They teased me and belittled me, saying, “Why don’t you understand something so simple? Why don’t you understand it? Elementary school kids are better than me.”
Being exposed like this makes me lose my self-confidence. You could say that I lost all my confidence. And it wasn’t just once or twice, but it happened many times. So after that, I chose not to ask anyone anymore. I kept my misunderstanding to myself. And then I started to hate studying and that subject.
The consequences were obvious: failing the exam. But I didn’t care. At that time, I even told myself that I didn’t care about this. I definitely wouldn’t use it in the future. But… it was the opposite. The more I hated it, the more I encountered it. The more I ran away from it, the more I encountered it. That subject was “English.” It took me several years to overcome the inferiority complex that arose from the thought that I could never be good at English. If I knew the tricks at the end of this article, it would be much easier to solve this problem.
“We actually tried, but it didn’t really work out. Or is it because we didn’t really try our best?”
“Well, we’re not good at it. We’re not good at math (or other subjects).”
Is this really the real reason?
This kind of problem is often seen with students at all levels, whether in primary, secondary, or university, and continues into the working world. Therefore, we see many people who do not dare or are afraid to start doing something new or do not dare to do something difficult because they are afraid of making mistakes, being the center of attention, being looked down on, being teased, or being gossiped about, etc.
The result is that we eventually believe that we are not good enough or capable of doing something.
So are we really not that good?
Because it is a belief that arises from a bad learning experience, causing us to program negative thoughts into ourselves that I am not capable, I am not good enough, I can’t do it. This is embedded in the brain, creating a deep-rooted attitude in the subconscious, called Fixed Mindset.
This is because most people have the wrong experience in learning. They believe that if they learn and make mistakes, it means that they are not good enough or that they may look stupid (both in their own eyes and in the eyes of others). This results in fear and ultimately they will not dare to do anything new or unfamiliar.
Where does the problem start?
It starts at the family level. Parents play a huge role in creating and programming a Fixed Mindset in their children. Some examples of behaviors that are the origin of creating a Fixed Mindset in children include:
“You are so good, my child.” or “You are so great, my child.” or “You are so smart, my child.”
Parents like to praise their children without any reason. Praising them in this way will make children think that being smart and clever is a quality that they must have since birth. Children will choose to do only things that will receive praise from their parents. Those things will be easy for them to do. The result is that children will not dare to do things that they have never done before, will not dare to do anything challenging. Or when encountering something that seems difficult, they will avoid doing it at all. And they will eventually become people with a fixed mindset .
“Fathers and mothers are role models and determine the fate of their children.”The result of raising children, instilling learning from the family, has an effect on their lives. Praising children without any reason, scolding children, or forbidding children when they make mistakes all have negative effects on them.
Because these things will instill a bad attitude and bad experiences that will have a negative effect on them in the future. When they grow up, they will have a negative mindset towards everything they are not familiar with, towards everything that seems difficult, towards everything that they are not confident about, becoming people who lack happiness and confidence in their lives.
Therefore, parents still have a choice about what kind of mindset to create for their children. Choose carefully from a young age so that they can grow up strong and stable on their own.
“Plant good seeds for your child with a Growth Mindset.”
Growth Mindset is the attitude and belief that “brilliance” or “excellence” or “intelligence” can be built through learning, effort and practice.
For example, weightlifting, the increase in weight is like a success in each step. If we want to lift more weight, we have to develop muscles by controlling our diet, by training, developing techniques, and exercising regularly, etc.
“Mistakes are good things.”
Another point that parents must encourage their children is to teach them to understand and view disappointments or mistakes as opportunities to learn. Children should be given opportunities to make mistakes without scolding or cursing them. However, they should be taught to understand that mistakes are part of the learning process and to encourage them to dare to try again.
“Emotions affect learning.”
If parents yell, scold, and yell at their children when they make mistakes, and then try to discipline them afterwards, do you think they will listen? Do you think they will believe you? Do you think they will understand you?
The answer is no. And doing so will only encourage your child to become a person with a fixed mindset . And with the child’s bad mood caused by parents scolding or harshly addressing him, he will block learning in that subject and may avoid doing that subject altogether.
Our children will eventually become fearful, suspicious, and lack confidence.
You see, the reason why our children change is us.
If we want to fix it, we have to fix ourselves first. We also need to have a growth mindset.
Because Growth Mindset is important.
It is something that should be instilled from a young age.
Because it will be an immunity for them when they become adults.
More information :
The story of Mindset comes from the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (2007) written by Carol Dweck. There is a Thai version available at leading bookstores.
You can read more articles at:
What are Growth Mindset and Fixed Mindset? And How Do They Affect Us?
