Apologizing or admitting one’s mistake in something can be very difficult. It can be very difficult for many people to start by apologizing or admitting their mistake, even though they themselves are the ones in the wrong.
The word “sorry” becomes a very powerful word when it can show that the speaker is admitting the mistake or the speaker is saying that the listener is wrong. This is because the word sorry consists of taking responsibility, admitting the mistake, expressing sympathy and willingness to make it right, which these components are only fulfilled when the speaker wants them to be. Because another form of apology is an expression that lacks these components at all, which is like saying sorry just to get it over with, without feeling or wanting to apologize from the heart.
“Apologies often get stuck in our throats or come out the wrong way.”
Apologizing is hard. It can become a big lump in your throat that you can’t speak, or sometimes it comes out the wrong way and causes misunderstandings. Even well-intentioned apologies don’t always end in a happy ending. For example, your soccer team is losing a game. You say to your teammates, “I’m sorry I stole the ball. It was my fault, and our team lost,” and “I’m sorry I stole the ball, but you were just bad at it.” These two sentences can determine how others will treat the soccer player and what kind of person he is.
“Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse.”
When it comes to apologies, explanations and reasoning are unlikely to truly promote problem-solving. Even in Thai society, there is a saying that says good people like to make amends, while bad people like to make excuses. It may sound a bit harsh, but it is your right to choose who you are to be when you commit your wrongdoing. Sometimes, letting everything end with an apology may be a better solution than trying to explain why you did wrong. Not everyone will try to think from your perspective. When your wrongdoing affects others and causes them suffering, they will focus on the suffering you caused them, not on the reasons why you did wrong.
Factors that make an apology effective
Although there is no magic formula or curriculum for apologizing in elementary or high school, there are some factors that make an apology as effective as possible, and you can learn them as follows:
- Using the words “I’m sorry”
- Only say what you regret or feel guilty about.
- Take responsibility and admit your mistakes.
- Be compassionate towards others
- Convey emotions to the listener, such as sadness or remorse.
- Show your desire and willingness to do the right thing.
The most important of all the factors mentioned above is the sincerity of your apology. Even if the words don’t sound perfect, if they are spoken from the heart and with good intentions, it will show the other person how much you care about them and how much you are willing to fix the mistake.
“No apology.”
People are naturally motivated to maintain a positive self-image. Apologizing requires admitting one’s mistakes, so it’s easier to make excuses to maintain one’s image than to admit one’s mistakes. This is why people choose to make excuses rather than apologize. Another obstacle to saying “sorry” is that we overestimate the damage of making amends and underestimate the positive impact of making amends on our future. We think making excuses for the past will have a positive impact, but in fact it has a negative impact on our future.
“Although the word ‘sorry’ doesn’t come easily, for some people it comes too easily.”
For some people, when someone steps on their foot, they are the first to say “I’m sorry”. Some people apologize for the bad weather, traffic, long lines in the cafeteria or all the other unpleasant situations during the day. We call this group of people as “Sorry Syndrome”. Most of the people who suffer from this are women. They often include the word “sorry” in their requests, for example, “Excuse me, can I have a glass of water?” or “Excuse me, can I get by?” The word “sorry” is used as a crutch to make the request seem polite and gentle.
Why do we insist on apologizing without any reason?
According to a Harvard Business School study, apologizing without causing any offense or problem can help build trust. For example, apologizing before borrowing something or asking for help is more likely to be helped. Apologies, therefore, are a powerful and easy-to-use tool for increasing social influence and trust.
“Try changing the word “sorry” to “thank you.”
Building trust is important, but it doesn’t prove that apologizing for everything will help you in every situation. If you want to reduce the number of superfluous apologies you throw out, try replacing “sorry” with “thank you.”
For example, “Sorry for messing up the room” becomes “Thank you for tidying up the room.” Also, many times, apologizing is like rejecting someone else’s kind gesture, which seems strange and not as gentle as it should be. However, saying thank you is like acknowledging and accepting someone else’s kindness, which seems more gentle and polite.
Conclusion
“I’m sorry” is a simple word that doesn’t require any movement of the tongue, lips or teeth, but it’s hard to say when you’ve done something wrong. What makes it hard isn’t saying it out loud, but admitting your mistake. When people are so focused on looking perfect, saying sorry can be like saying you have some unpleasant scratches. But what everyone forgets is that no one is perfect, and maintaining a good image is more important than maintaining a strong relationship.
Cartoonist Lynn Johnston explains that “apologizing” is the glue that can fix almost anything. While an apology can’t undo a mistake, it can get the healing process started. So you have to weigh whether to talk things out and fix the past or apologize to save a future relationship.
“A good apology is like an antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt into a wound.”
Reference :
Substitute for Apology: Manipulation of Cognitions to Reduce Negative Attitude toward Self
How to Apologize and Why It Matters
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