Don’t take everything personally. Taking things that are not personal, especially things that may not actually concern you, will cause you unnecessary distress or stress.
For example, in a workplace, we work hard to present this project to our boss tomorrow, but what we get in return is only unsatisfactory criticism of our efforts, and no appreciation for our hard work. Does this story sound familiar?
This kind of thing, if it really happened, would bother us a lot, right? We work hard, give it our all, but what we get in return is not as we expected. For us, if we encounter a story like this, we would be very uncomfortable and would want to vent to someone.
For example, when we come home, we might want to vent to our family about the hardships of the day we have encountered. But halfway through telling the story, the family member who is listening just turns off the TV. This situation makes us even more upset and we might think that they are not interested in listening to us. They might even view our family members in a bad way. But why do we have to take these matters so personally?
Frederik Imbo said that being a referee in a football match is a profession where nothing should be taken personally. He revealed that there were two reasons why he chose this profession: he wanted to be in good shape and he wanted to learn not to take anything personally.
“Even though the spectators cheered loudly for their team, they often shouted at the referee even louder.”
This career as a referee seems to be the most suitable choice for his learning environment. As the football match progresses, the audience cheers loudly for their favorite team. When a decision is made by the referee, of course, if one team is right, the other team must be wrong. The referee will definitely not be able to escape the scolding from the audience.
“When we feel bad, have you ever wondered who is really at fault? Who made us think too much?”
We cannot escape the actions or words of others, which can be painful, like being ignored, abandoned, making us feel irritated and resentful, or like we are really being betrayed.
For example, while we are driving on the road, the car behind us honks at us to urge us to drive forward faster. Isn’t this quite annoying? If we choose to take it personally, decide to roll down the window and shout out, “Where are you rushing to die?!” In such situations, we often blame the person who caused such feelings. “It’s his fault” or “He must take responsibility”. Who said it had to be like this?
“Ego is the identity we create from the beliefs we have about ourselves.”
Ego is the identity we create from the beliefs we have about ourselves, such as we are the best in the department, or our work is the most perfect, or no one is more deserving of the promotion than us, etc. All of these are the result of beliefs that we create, think and believe ourselves. Our ego often wants the acceptance of others without negative criticism. We just want to hear, “You are right.”
“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
Carrying the ego all the time is not easy. Because whenever we are dominated by the ego, we start to side with ourselves and tell ourselves that we are always right. We are ready to fight against the negative criticism from others because we are ready to keep it all and carry it with us everywhere. It becomes an endless battle, when in fact, we can just throw it away and be happy. But we often do not choose to throw it away.
“This matter is none of my business.”
The first strategy for taking everything personal and being happy is to realize that what we are facing is none of our business. But it may seem difficult, right? So how do we think about making our personal matters someone else’s business?
For example, when the car behind you honks at you, there might be a pregnant woman in the car, or he is in a hurry to get to an important meeting, or when you are giving a presentation and one of the people in the audience is on his phone, he might receive a shocking urgent message, or he might want to save your work on his phone because your work is great.
“Start by changing personal matters into public matters.”
We will not take anything personal when we have empathy for others, remove personal resentment and see it as a collective issue. For example, the work we are criticized for is not ours alone (because we do it as a team), but the company’s work. Everyone will feel the same way if the work is not good, so it is a collective issue. However, all of this is just a theory.
“Our brains produce about 50,000 thoughts a day, but only about 10,000 positive thoughts.”
Even though we have a good theory, in practice it is not that simple. When someone looks at us and laughs, our thought is definitely not, “They are laughing at something else,” or “They like our new shoes,” or anything like that. Instead, we think and feel, “They are gossiping about us,” or “Doesn’t my dress look good?” Our negative thoughts will come flooding in from a single situation, without us even realizing it. Until we come to our senses, we may start thinking, “We have nothing for them to gossip about, so why should we?” And we have already wasted the whole day taking this matter personally.
“Positive thinking doesn’t take everything personally. It’s about discipline and practice.”
This is why Frederik chose to be a referee in football. He trains himself every day, talks to the dummy before the game, encourages himself in the locker room. This job requires not only warming up the body before going on the field, but also preparing himself mentally before going on the field because he knows the many events he will face on the field.
“The first strategy works, but it doesn’t work in all situations.”
Even though we train our minds and hearts very hard, sometimes it hurts too much to be compassionate towards others and think that it is none of our business. There are two sides to every coin, and this strategy is the same. If we think that it is none of our business and it does not work, then let’s think that it is none of our business and it may work.
“This matter is my business.”
Sometimes it is too difficult to let go of everything, not take it personally, because deep down we know that there is some truth in all the criticisms. Let’s go back to the example of when we are driving on the road. When someone honks at us, that car may be in a hurry. But if we stop and ask ourselves, “Am I driving too slow?”
“Everything happens because we know there is truth in it.”
Many criticisms we receive every day, some of them may reflect the truth to us. We may have been accustomed to this behavior since childhood. When someone talks about us in a bad way, we feel angry and dissatisfied with them, even though some things are true and we should improve ourselves. In fact, it is very easy. Just look at yourself, accept it, and try to improve yourself a little. Personal things that annoy us may change us for the better, without us having to take these matters personally.
“It’s time to have some compassion for yourself.”
In the first strategy, you see everything as not your own business and start to have some compassion for others. But in this strategy, you start to have some compassion for yourself. So it’s time to have some compassion for yourself. On a bad day, when we need someone to understand us, but we still have so many things to worry about that it becomes overwhelming. Just try to speak out about what’s on your mind, the feelings that are tight inside. When someone walks away and you’re talking, try to tell them that this makes you feel bad. Please don’t do this. Being open to your weakness and speaking out is not a bad thing. It also helps others understand us better.
“Don’t take everything personally, because it will only make us worse.”
Because everyone knows how tiring it is to not be able to put something down, to carry it around with you everywhere, it doesn’t benefit you at all if you don’t want to take things personally. First, we just think that it’s none of our business, and try to look at it from the other person’s perspective, and sympathize with them. But if that doesn’t work, we have to start thinking that it’s our business, sympathize with ourselves a lot, and then speak out about what’s pent up inside.
Conclusion
Don’t take everything personally. No one wants to take everything personally, but the bad thing is that we can’t control our thoughts and minds. Not taking things personally is a matter of practice, a practice that requires practice.
The first couple of times we try to throw out those heavy-handed criticisms, it may not go all the way out, or it may not go out at all. But if we practice it over and over again, we won’t have to carry around anything heavy anymore, and eventually it won’t be personal to us anymore.
“Many people may hurt you with their criticism or neglect. They may put you down with their words, crush you, and then just walk away. But remember, no matter what they do or say, you will still be you. Always maintain your self-worth.”
How not to take things personally? | Frederik ImboImbo
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