Why we love, why we cheat – When love makes people blind, it makes some people do everything, whether it is right or wrong.
Because everyone must have had something called “love” before.
It might be your first love when you go out to meet your neighbor in kindergarten, secretly putting a rose on your senior’s desk in high school on Valentine’s Day, or secretly loving a coworker with whom you had the chance to attend a seminar. These things come from a miraculous thing like love, which never chooses time, person, place, or even who you are. Because when it comes to love, it is love.
What is love?
This is a question that even William Shakespeare, the world’s greatest poet and writer, once asked. The definition of love varies from person to person, depending on their perspective, thoughts, and experiences. Someone whose love is blossoming may think that love is something that brightens up their gloomy world. On the other hand, someone who has just ended a relationship and it wasn’t a good ending may think that love is a bad thing in their life that they want to cut off. However, this is the way our world is, with both good and bad sides mixed together. What we do know is that “love is something special.”
As the famous Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw said:
“Love is when we see the difference between a woman we love and another woman.”
When you start falling in love with someone, you will only see him because you choose to see him alone. You will see his flaws, but they will become small immediately. You will see the differences between him and other people, which you will see as wonderful. It is no exaggeration to say that “Love is blind.”
What happens when we fall in love?
Love doesn’t just make the person you love special, it makes you special too. You’ll be extra happy, extra in a good mood, your world will seem extra special. Love makes us thirsty, but it’s not a bad thing. Thirst is a good thing, because it motivates us to do good things for someone. So thirst for love isn’t just sexual, it’s emotional, because you’re not just happy to sleep with him, you’re happy to talk on the phone with him, have dinner with him after work, stand and wait for hours just to see him for a few minutes.
What percentage of the time during the day and night do you think about your loved one?”
“All day and all night, I can’t stop thinking about him.”
Why does it have to be this person?
When you are in love, do you look at the face of the person you love and ask yourself in your mind, why is it this person? There are many men or women in the world. Falling in love requires timing, proximity, and intrigue. You will be able to fall in love with someone from these three things because they will increase dopamine or the chemical in the brain that controls emotions and feelings, stimulating you to feel in love with someone.
When you’re in love, your brain is stimulated as if you were on cocaine.
Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist and behavioral researcher, said that she decided to conduct an experiment by scanning the brains of her subjects while they were looking at pictures of their lovers. Sure enough, she found that their brains were very active when they looked at pictures of their lovers. And the surprising fact is that their brains were as stimulated as the brains of someone who had just used cocaine.
“If you ask someone to sleep with you tonight and they say no, nothing will happen.But if you confess your love to someone and they say no, it will kill you.”
It is not an exaggeration to say that love can kill. Humans live for love. We have many songs, movies, dramas, paintings and poems about love, showing the endless obsession of human beings with love. If you just want to sleep with her, it is just a human emotion that wants to reproduce. But if you want her love, it is an emotion, a feeling, and it is this that can turn your bright world into a living death.
Sexual desire, romantic love, attachment
Helen reveals that she has studied love by dividing the brain into three parts.
- Sexual desire, which is naturally present in all human beings, is an irresistible neurological desire in humans. It makes us feel thirsty to find a mate and reproduce, just like when we are hungry and need to find something to eat.
2. Romantic love. Of course, it has to do with admiration, the joy of feeling in love, or the pink world that people often talk about, or sometimes we call it the initial obsession, because not every couple will have love for each other forever, but everyone can still be together because of the next point.
3. Attachment: It happens when we feel calm and safe being with someone and we feel a long-term relationship that is not just about sleeping together, dating, and then meeting someone new and breaking up.
“We can love more than one person at the same time.”
If we are talking about science, it is certainly possible to love multiple people at the same time, but morally it is not a good idea to let it happen.
However, sometimes all three parts of our brain do not work together. Sometimes the first part, which is sexual desire, may start working first. This is the reason why some people start falling in love from having sex. Or sometimes while the second and third parts of the brain are working for us to be with a man, the first part of the brain does not work at all. Your brain will work very hard to find a way out of this matter that will make you the happiest as if we have weighed all three parts of the brain and chosen.
SSRI or antidepressant
As they say, everything in this world, if there is benefit, there must be disadvantage. If there is an advantage, there must be a disadvantage. Love is the same. Although it can make people feel very good, make people happier than ever before, on the other hand, it can also kill someone in cold blood. More than 100 million speeding tickets are issued every year in the United States.
SSRIs are antidepressants that increase serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is responsible for feelings of pain, hunger, satiety, appetite, sleep, sexual drive, and feelings of happiness. It helps to suppress anger and aggression. The bad thing is that when taken in high doses, it also suppresses dopamine (the chemical that makes you fall in love with someone) and your sex drive.
“People kill for love and die for love.”
Conclusion
Love and human life are always together in life. But everything must go in moderation. Because if it is too much, we may fall so deep that it eats us whole. Or if it is too little, there will definitely be no special things that will let you understand the word love. Still confirming that “Love is a beautiful thing.”
The side effects are scary. At least the day you have love, please take good care of it. Not only take care of your love and the person you love, but also take care of yourself.
“Self-love is also a beautiful love.”
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The content of the article is adapted from the TED conference on the topic “Why we love, why we cheat” presented by Helen Fisher.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher takes on a tricky topic – love – and explains its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its social importance. She closes with a warning about the potential disaster inherent in antidepressant abuse.
