Have you ever wondered who created the beauty standard? How much does that person know about beauty to have the right to judge the beauty of others without anyone daring to say that it is impolite? Anyone who seems trustworthy enough for everyone to adhere to his idea of beauty, the standard that he created can have both positive and negative effects on someone. So before you find these things, you should ask yourself first, do you currently use beauty standards to judge women you pass by as beautiful or ugly?
“The black girl dreams of having fair skin and long, straight hair.”
Melissa Butler, founder of THE LIP BAR, a high-end cosmetics brand that’s sold in more than 400 Target stores in the United States, tells the TEDxDetroit talk that as a child, all she heard was boys telling her she didn’t look fair-skinned, her butt was flat, her teeth were gapped, and her hair was curlier. But none of that affected her because no matter what they said, she still thought she was pretty.
“I’m tired of focusing on one-dimensional beauty standards.”
Six years ago, she launched her own cosmetics brand to change the perception of beauty and the beauty standards that everyone holds so dear, including changing the way we think about people who are different from us, whether it’s based on external appearance or deep down inside. When she was making lipstick in her kitchen, she was extremely frustrated with the way women’s beauty was viewed and judged from one perspective. Every woman is judged only by whether or not they meet the beauty standards set by the majority.
“Try going to Google and searching for “Beauty.”
The question is, who created these standards? If you are wondering what these standards are, just go to Google and search for “Beauty”. All you will find is white, thin, and youthful women. So most people are saying that if a woman does not meet these criteria, then she is not beautiful? We consume it in our minds and we start to think that that is what beauty really is. When we walk down the street, we start thinking, “Wow, that person is beautiful.” And she is a white, thin, and youthful woman.
“I would definitely be happy if I was as beautiful as you.”
This belief is further extended to the idea that a woman who meets the beauty standards must have a good lover, a lot of money, and be successful in life. And when we look back at ourselves, we think, “Oh my gosh, I lack so many things,” or, “I envy you. I have nothing like you.” I must be as happy as you if I were as beautiful as you.
Is it hard for you to say no? Because you yourself have thought this way when walking past other women on the street or in a shopping mall somewhere.
“We started looking at what we didn’t have enough.”
The worst thing about believing in the same beauty standards as most people is that we judge ourselves by those standards and find things we need to change, things we lack or things we don’t have enough of because we feel like we’re the odd one out and don’t fit in. When you start believing in beauty standards, it can be like spreading a religion because your beliefs will quickly be passed on to those around you, like your parents, siblings, relatives, or friends at work. If I’m not pretty, then neither will you.
“Value depends on appearance”
Since being a young girl, we are often instilled that we must be beautiful, look good, and be cute in order to be loved by those around us. Our worth is tied to our image. Marriage or having children will only happen when we are beautiful. The surprising thing is that even if we are a capable person, a working woman, a leader, a manager of many people in a team, a business owner, a president of a company, or a powerful person, do you know that people will still ask if that person is beautiful?
“Whether or not we braid our hair does not indicate whether that child will be first or last in the exam.”
The value that comes from appearance is something you find in every industry, whether it’s athletes, politicians or students. If you’ve seen it in the news, the state of Louisiana would not allow a girl to go to school because she had braided hair. Braids have been a part of African and African American beauty culture for a long time. Whether or not a girl has braids does not indicate whether she will be first or last in the exam. The skirt she wears when playing tennis is not an obstacle to winning a Grand Slam. And the color of the suit, even if it’s a sweet pink, cannot affect the wearer’s performance.
“Men want to marry someone who looks like their mother as much as they hate the idea.”
Although it is hard to admit, most men have a deep desire to marry a woman who looks like their mother, and they absolutely hate the idea. They don’t really accept it when someone says that men think this way, they shake their heads. But the truth is, mothers are our natural model of beauty. For example, if you were born in Ghana, you would see big thighs as the standard of beauty for a Ghanaian woman. But it is very different if you grew up in the US.
“They did it all just to have a good life.”
70% of women in Lagos, Nigeria choose to bleach their skin, despite the fact that bleaching carries a very high risk of cancer. If you can’t think of a more serious consequence than risking cancer for fair skin, look around you. Most industries favor fair skinned models. Plus-size women feel worthless. Older women feel that time has not only robbed them of their youth, but also their value. Indigenous women feel that no one wants them.
“This is an issue that is gender and age-neutral.”
Even when it comes to beauty standards, women seem to be the gender that is most affected by it, but this issue is not limited to only women. For example, CEOs of the world’s top 500 companies tend to be tall because height is linked to power. Being tall makes them look more intimidating, while if they are short, people will say that they do not have the aura or physiognomy to be a CEO.
“A standard of beauty that has been passed down from generation to generation.”
This issue of beauty doesn’t stop with you; it’s an epidemic, a contagious disease. Our children are growing up with low self-esteem and the opinions of others to determine their worth. They are growing up with dangerous weight loss products, skin injections, plastic surgery. Did you know that butt and thigh surgery have increased by 4,200% since 2000? That’s no small feat.
“The most important lesson is to love everything about yourself.”
If you ask what watching the world go by and how many people struggle to fit into a beauty standard set by no one teaches you, it’s certainly true that if you know yourself, accept yourself, and love everything about yourself enough, you’ll be like Melissa, the girl who didn’t care what those boys said and still thought she was pretty. The most important lesson you’ll learn from this is to love yourself for who you are, which means not letting other people’s opinions determine your worth.
Conclusion
Think about the factors that make you feel different from others, such as social media. You really need to stay away from it because it is a real nerve-wracking thing. Shopping for clothes or cosmetics is an activity that pushes you into the social media spotlight. Or when you go to your grandma’s house and she says, “You’ve gotten fatter than the last time you saw her,” what did she say? You just cut her off. Not to cut ties with her, but to cut what she said out of your head.
You have to prepare yourself to fight for yourself. Go home and look in the mirror, examine yourself intently, and see your greatness. Accept the reflection in the mirror and love it. And when you walk out the door tomorrow morning, don’t forget to spread the acceptance and love to others.
“I encourage everyone to see the value in themselves and in others, no matter how similar or different they are to us. Differences are colors to explore and to accept, not to discriminate.”
Why You Think You’re Ugly | Melissa Butler | TEDxDetroit
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